Friday, October 2, 2009

A few things I'd like to mention

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To my brother Chris who turned 30 today!

He probably won't read this so no need to make it anymore personal than it already is:p

OMG makes me realize I'll be 30 in a little over 3 years!

That scares the f*&k out of me right there!

So anyways, the next note worth mentioning is:
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I've been officially single, moved out, and over with it for 1 year today.
It doesn't really bother me though. I was in back to back to back 3 year relationships and now I'm just enjoying the single life. I do miss having someone. I miss being able to connect, cook for, and love someone, and spooning with someone! I miss spooning an awful lot. But I'll live. I've lived through the last year. I can live forever single if that's whats in the cards for me.

It just makes me think. Thinking is what I "try" to do best. But I think about if I will be alone forever. Do I want to be alone forever? Am I actually looking for anything? What am I looking for? And if it fell out of the sky and landed smack dab on my head would I even realize? I know 1 thing. I absolutely refuse to settle anymore. That's what I've done my whole life so far. I've never reached out and went after anything I wanted. I just let stuff fall into my lap and I've never truly been happy in doing so. So, unless I can change how I've done things all along, how I've been programmed I guess I will be alone...

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