Friday, April 30, 2010

Mayo Clinic psychometric test


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Think before you speak...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back...Or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
Who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, My sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
Accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
Because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled  "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that laughing feel good?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Wasting time: The Love Calculator


The Love Calculator

Test the love between two people by entering their names below and then calculate their compatibility.

+ =

I claim no responsibility for broken romances, marriage breakdowns or new affairs, lol.


Friday, April 23, 2010

Funny warning labels

More funny or just plain dumb warning labels:

Liquid Plummer:
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger:
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter:
Safe to use around pets.

Bowl Fresh:
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster:
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil:
Keep out of reach of children.

Little Ones Baby Lotion:
Keep away from children.

Hair Coloring:
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash:
May contain foam.

Do not use while taking a shower.

Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant:
Use only on underarms.

Zantac 75:
Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills:
Warning: May cause Drowsiness.

Christmas Lights:
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter:
Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight:
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fire Extinguisher:
Caution: Non-Flamable.

These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe.

Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.

Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray:
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor:
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge:
Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control:
Not Dishwasher Safe.

Pine Mountain Fire Logs:
Caution: Risk of fire.

Triops Fish Food:
Warning: Not for human consumption.

Home Depot Treated Lumber:
Do not consume.

Hair Dryer:
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.

Road Sign:
Caution water on road during rain.

This camera will only work when film is inside.

Church Parking Lot Sign:
Thou shalt not park.

Children's Superman Costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Silk Soy Milk:
Shake well and buy often.

Air Conditioner:
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron:
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Slush Puppy Cup:
This ice may be cold.

American Airlines Peanuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Nabisco Easy Cheese:
For best results, remove cap.

Swanson TV Dinners:
This product must be cooked before eating.

Hershey's Almond Bar:
Warning: May contain traces of nuts.

Heinz Ketchup:
Instructions: Put on food

500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.

Beach Ball:
CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.

Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.

Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

Packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

String of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.

Blanket from taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado

Cardboard windshield sun shade:
Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.

Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Disposable razor:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Curling Iron:
Warning: This product can burn eyes.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use in shower.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

Hand-held Massaging Device:
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket:
Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.

A toilet at a public sports facility:
Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Container of Underarm Deodorant:
Caution: Do not spray in eyes.

Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter:
Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.

Toner cartridge for a laser printer:
Do not eat toner.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow:
Not intended for highway use.

Can of self-defense pepper spray:.
May irritate eyes.

Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock":
Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.

A frisbee:
Warning: May contain small parts.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.

A birthday card for a 1 year old:
Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.

Heated seat cushion:
Warning: Do not use on eyes.

Microwave Oven:
Do not use for drying pets.

Electric Cattle Prod:
For use on animals only.

Can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.

Silly Putty:
Do not use as ear plugs.

Knife sharpening stone:
Warning: knives are sharp!

Do not use intimately.

Rat Poison:
Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Portable stroller:
Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.

Dashboard of a mail truck:
Look before driving.

Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

Sign at a railroad station:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death.
Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

Bottom of a supermarket dessert box:
Do not turn upside down.

Package of dice:
Not for human consumption.

Bottled Drink:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.

Shipment of hammers:
May be harmful if swallowed.

Manual for an SGI computer:
Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.

Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

Electric Thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally.

Packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain:
Turn off motor before using this product.

6x10 inch inflatable picture frame:
Not to be used as a personal flotation device.

Box of bottle rockets:
Do not put in mouth.

Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.

Box for a car jack:
For lifting purposes only.

Instructions for a cordless phone:
Do not put lit candles on phone.

Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean:
Do not drive cars in ocean.

Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert:
Always drive on roads. Not on people.

Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Credit card statement:
Payment is due by the due date.

Laundromat triple washer:
No small children.

Box of Pills:
Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone.

Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Can of black pepper:
Instructions: usage known.

Bag of cat biscuits:
Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.

Car Manual:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Espresso Kettle:
The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position.

T.V. manual:
Do not pour liquids into your television set.

Label on a hammer:
Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object

VCR box:
Instructional video on hooking up VCR included.

Toilet brush:
Do not use for personal hygiene.

Black rubber fishing worm:
Not for human consumption.

Orange Juice Can:
100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate.

Depend Adult Diapers:
Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear.

Furniture Wipes:
Do not use for a baby wipe.

Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet:
This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision.

Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning

Instructions on the bottom of a grocery store pizza:
Do not turn upside down.

Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle:
Do not open here.

Bottle of bathtub cleaner:
For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

Container of lighter fluid:
WARNING: Contents flammable!

Box of household nails:
CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it:
Direction #1: Remove plastic.

Drink bottle label:
Do not peel label off.

Woolite carpet cleaner:
Safe for carpets, too!

Box of Frosted Cheerio's:
The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."

Do not use near fire or flame.

Container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium

Hose Nozzle:
Do not spray into electrical outlet.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Randon Generated Joke

Will be re-writing the code for this so I can stick it in the sidebar.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

FWD: Read and think...




















Thursday, April 15, 2010

... of the day.

Quote of the Day

Word of the Day

This Day in History

Today's Birthday

Monday, April 12, 2010

How's it going? Sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. And sorry I didn't get to wish my readers a Happy Zombie Jesus Day. I've just been busy busy. I got back into my addictive video game, been working on some solar installs, other sites I actually get paid to run and avoiding the doctor at all costs.

However I do have a few links that might make you happy!

First off we have Explain This Image - WTF Pics, Images That Make No Sense.
Have you ever seen a picture that simply makes no sense? has collected pictures from around the web that left us scratching our heads and saying "wtf". See if you can explain these photos and read other peoples explanations.

Next we have
Where dreams become heart attacks.
This is why you're is an ode to over the top “junk food porn”.

Never regret what you never said
Many of you know I'm a fan of sites like, well here's another one you can use just to vent. Because biting your tongue hurts.

Also see another funny one. Texts From Last Night
Texts From Last Night (TFLN) was founded in February 2009 by two friends for reasons that may or may not include: the tendency to press send more easily as the night turns to morning, friends' social habits, disgraced government officials, exes, law school, closing down bars and leaving tabs open, general debauchery and/or a common disgust for all the negativity surrounding the 'sexting' phenomenon.

People of Walmart
PoW: A collection of all the creatures that grace us with their presence at America's favorite store.

Also by the guys who made People of Walmart

That's my boss 
Stress-relieving humor to cure your workplace woes.
Read and post stories about your boss at

Also play Distracting Games
Don't Whack Your Boss is a great way to kill some time and your boss

Pictures of people on public transit 
People of Public Transit (POPT) Look @ and post funny pics.

A pretty neat travel site
Notes from the Road | Muddy Backwater of the Travel Blogosphere

Notes from the Road is Erik Gauger's personal project in experimental travel writing. It is about subjective travel; the kind of real world of random things and real people.

And last but not least, a pretty creepy site:

People Search | White Pages | Phone Book | FREE! gives access to all kinds of personal info... a picture of your house, credit score, profession, age, how many people live in the house. Search for yourself and see what comes up. You can remove yourself by the Privacy button on the bottom right of the page if you agree and think this is creepy.
(And no, no monkey picture is going to pop-up or will rick rolling occur on this site, this is as real as it gets)

Other news in my life:
As you may (or may not) know I run 5+ websites and a few blogs. I'm about to add to that list. I just searched and found out that a sweet site name I want is available so I might buy the domain before someone else gets the idea as well. Kind of sucks because I wanted to make this a dotcom next but I'm so indecisive!

What should I do?!

Oh and because I'm hungry I thought I would include the next recipe from that I'm going to make. Cinnamon Roll Cheesecake.